Sardines In A Can

Look at this smelly shit that we make. I have seen masses of people attempting to make their way through a pedestrian underpass tunnel. Sardines would prefer the can to this tunnel, so oily, so heavy and brutal. This is not one of those events where you see the best and worst of people. Any kindness or human decency dissipates into the dense air above the crowd’s heads and everyone fends for themselves. Looking after their own survival even though it is clear that what is needed is a communal effort of rational people to help the crowd proceed safely. Violent voices can be heard a little way ahead, hundreds of people shouting at each other, I stand pretty much in the middle of the mosh pit, with a baby in hand waiting for a helicopter to come and winch me out. It is in these moments that I would like to know why they hell are we alive? We are so stupid and yet we hail ourselves as the most intelligent animals to ever exist.


Look, my intention is eventually to celebrate life and humanity but I am going to do it in an unconventional way.


In all our comforts of modernity we are not being chased by tigers in the jungle any longer and therefore we are afforded the luxury of contemplating our deeper purpose or meaning in life. This only makes us egotistical, ungrateful, selfish people. Aren’t we arrogant and selfish to think that we have more of a purpose than just to breath? Who told us we need a purpose? Or, that we are special? Can’t our purpose be survival anymore? When I see that smelly humanity being pushed through a city’s bowels only to be released into a sea of manmade effluent, I understand that we are no better than animals, I would say vermin to be precise (although they are quite clever). In fact in the making of the modern human, we have lost something that animals have. We believe we are more than animals, we think we are worth more and therefore expect more. The more we want, the more we make a mess of the world, the more we loose touch with our place in the world and the more unhappy we become.


Does a cow expect anything more from life then to chew a bit of grass, smell the daisies or to moo under all different permeations of the sky? They might even rear a calf or two. We all say, it sounds like a great life, but the truth is, if anyone were to live like this they would feel like a failure or they would be made to feel inadequate or even lazy.


It is arrogant and selfish to think that we deserve or are worth anything more than a cow. Maybe the biggest flaw in the development of humankind is its’ ego.

A combination of ego and the nurtured concept that we deserve something more because we are human is perhaps our greatest obstacle to being happy. Ego is self destructive and destructive to the entire human race.


Just look at how we behave in a crowded tunnel. You may argue that in the tunnel people are trying to survive through self-preservation but this will obviously not work. We need to work together drop the “me” let go of the ego and look after each other and then maybe we can say we are valuable.


If we just exist or “be” we will recapture and see clearly our purpose. All these posturings of the mind about our purpose and achievements or lack of them can send us into a tizzy cause depression, anxiety and lack of empathy. Not to mention the great difference “just existing” would make on the environment. Stop wanting more, more stuff, more success, more heat, more fun, more love just breath and be.


Flawed logic? Maybe?


The Suffering Starts

I am a single mum living with MS, this position forces me to consider the fragility of human existence every day.  Being a daily existentialist enables me to find the silver lining  in even the most dire personal circumstances. Like when I suspect a little extra sag on my upper arm or what some lovingly call “wings”. No, seriously I mean those times when I loose feeling down the side of my body or when being in the warm inviting sun is akin to pouring lead through my limbs. As I write this I am giving myself a nauseating feeling, I despise my whining, I am sick of hearing it. I am sick of hearing the complaints of anyone who is not a child in Aleppo or a Whale who has been held in captivity for the purposes of human entertainment.

I am guilty of complaining even though I have access to free healthcare and leading medical treatments, welfare, childcare, education, food, shelter, transport and most importantly choices of how I wish to live my life. I have a lot to be grateful for and some people never see why they are lucky until the are faced with adversity. Adversity brings our  fragility to the surface and gives us perspective to sort out what things we should devote our time to. In other words, working out how we should best use the time that we have.

The clock tick tock in my head speeds up every time I wallow in self pity or whenever I have to endure a “lucky” person’s rant. I just don’t have time for this anymore, I think to myself.

There is really nothing to worry about all your problems are smaller than a microbe. Actually that microbe is probably more important than your problem.

My tongue is in my cheek. This is a blog about how I keep it real.